Memories keep loved ones alive forever, this I believe. In October my great grandpa passed away. At first I was fine and nonchalant about it. My reasoning was that he was old and it was his time. Lloyd had been having health problems for the last couple years, at one point I even remember saying that it would be better for him to go just so he and our family could stop suffering. My friends thought it was a bit strange that I appeared so unaffected by Lloyd’s impending death. It wasn’t until the final word came that I even started to cry.
At the funeral, memories of Lloyd from when I was little came flooding through my head. For instance, Lloyd is the only reason that I have been unable to eat tapioca pudding since I was eight. I was at Granny and Lloyd’s house, as usual, enjoying some tapioca pudding and planning on asking for some more. It was my favorite. They always had some on hand for when I was coming over to spend the day. Then Lloyd asked, “You know what those balls are don’t you?” Well I, being the curious little eight year old I was, answered, “No! What are they?” Unfortunately the answer wasn’t nearly as tasty as the pudding, “Fish eyes!” he replied with a grin. I have not to this day eaten tapioca pudding. I know that it’s not really fish eyes but I just can’t bring myself to eat it. I blame Lloyd completely.
It’s been nearly two months since he died. I’m glad that he is gone because I know that he’s in a better place, reaping the rewards that he earned here on Earth as one of God’s faithful servants. I’m not scared of where he is, I know he’s happy and no longer hurting. Still, there are things that I miss. Like the way he would always come up to me at church, give me a kiss on the cheek, and say, “There’s my sugar!” Or seeing how happy he made Granny, even though at times they were on the opposite sides of the spectrum when it came to certain issues. I try not to dwell on the things I miss, telling myself again that Lloyd is better off. On the day of the funeral I was inconsolable, even after hours had gone by. That’s when reality really sank in.
I know he’s gone and that the following year is going to be really tough on everybody. Thanksgiving was rough, Christmas is bound to be worse, and then his birthday which falls on Valentine’s Day won’t go by unnoticed. I guess the good thing is that I’ve learned so much about him since his death. Like how Lloyd met my Granny or his love for hunting. He will always be missed but he will never really be gone. Memories keep loved ones alive forever. . . This I Believe.
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