This I Believe

Debra - Nampa, Idaho
Entered on December 14, 2006

I believe in conversing with God. On my spiritual journey, I’ve learned to ask the right questions, and then listen for answers.

For many years, my husband and I wanted a child more than anything, but we suffered many discouraging miscarriages. Often I asked, “Why me?” I never seemed to get an answer to that question—or at least the answer I expected. One memorable day in the shower I told God how angry I was. I couldn’t handle the blame or the pain, and I felt my anger had to have a target—even if it was my good friend. Then I felt God absorbing my anger and sending me peace. Over time, I learned that the best question to ask was if God loved me. In reply, God sent an overwhelming feeling of warmth and strength, physical and mental healing, and greater empathy for others who suffer.

Whenever I asked “Why?” God could have sent answers. Put into English, they might have included: “Because you have an elusive, undiagnosed thyroid condition; because you will grow closer to me through these trials; because if you have a daughter later in life, you will enjoy her during a time when you would otherwise be lonely.” No doubt there are many more reasons, which I still do not know. However, receiving these answers wouldn’t have helped, for what I needed was what God gave me: peace, strength, and healing.

When I used to ask, “Why?” or “Why me (or someone I love)?” it was in response to illness, relationship problems or other difficulties. Seldom have I asked this question when blessed with a happy marriage, a beautiful sunrise or a perfect newborn baby. Yet if there was ever a time to ask, “Why me?” it is in the middle of delight, for then it becomes, “Thank you—why am I so richly blessed?” When I ask that question, I’m filled with gratitude, and then I am blessed with joy—God’s way of saying “You’re welcome.”