Independence Makes Me Strong
People won’t always be there for you. You can’t rely on people to always get things done. To survive in life, you need to think for yourself; make your own ideas. Nothing will remain a constant rock, which you can stand on. My independence is my belief. It has made me strong enough to bear the responsibilities of others, responsibilities I don’t deserve.
Before my realization, I was cold and stony. I couldn’t remember how to smile. I couldn’t remember how laughing made me feel so good. Through the Walton halls I wandered as a ghost, a lifeless corpse. The cumbersome weight of having no one, being no one, and seeing Momma enjoy her freedoms as she dumped her duties upon me left me empty on the inside. I became weak and useless; nothing seemed possible anymore. No one could save me from myself and relieve the pain. My only comfort was the solace I found in my falling tears. I loved the mix of sorrow, relief, and joy in the instant I embraced my mourning. Those streams of pearls washed away the grief inside. Crying was invigorating and renewed my spirit. It made me feel alive again.
The strength I have now relieves the overwhelming pressure. I withhold my fear and angst in my own treasure box and stash them elsewhere. Finding a life of my own through my own plans has become simple with independence. I’m starting to learn who I am. People who I can call friends have appeared like a rainbow, emerging as the rain stops falling. They have shown me the way to heal my ragged heart. Although my mom still disappears when I might need her, I forgive her. I forgive my mother for the pain that tore me apart, because in the end, she is only helping me. My mom has taught me to be this way, to be independent. And when I leave this place, I won’t need anyone to be there for me. I was alone from the start.
As I look back, I know it as a lesson well learned. I only wish I recognized it sooner, since all those perfect, glistening pearls that blurred my vision have been wasted for the sake of feeling. My independence has saved me from falling back onto that lonely track of depression. I can stand on my own now, without the help of a crutch.
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