The Song and Dance of Forgiveness
Long after the numbness, absorption, and reality of the accident I occasionally performed a nice song and dance called “Forgiveness”. I wanted to feel it. Though, what did forgiveness feel like? Was it light like wispy cirrus clouds on a mid-summer day? Was it the remembrance of homemade angel food cake with fluffy peaks of white frosting which was everything, but nothing, really? Does forgiveness calm the maelstrom like the Royal River after days and nights of heavy rains? Or does forgiveness ease the abysmal letdown that follows the instant after you think you see her somewhere but then remember she is dead. I yearned for my world to be in balance, but for a long time all I knew was anger, desire for revenge, and a fathomless anguish, along with the need to blame the kid who caused untold ripples of grief in my family. Forgiveness would have come more readily and easily had the boy ever conveyed his sorrow or offered an apology. Wikipedia defines forgiveness as “the mental and/or spiritual process of ceasing to feel resentment or anger against another person for a perceived offence, difference or mistake, or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution”. I want him to know I forgave him long ago for this tragic accident and for his lack of apology. I knew forgiveness was necessary, I said I forgave, but when I thought about it, that song and dance was an act. Over time, this I now believe: If more people offered a simple “I’m sorry”, untold sorrows could be eased and souls could be lighter.
There is now a new soul in heaven; one of the most charismatic, dynamic, sensational, sensual, gorgeous, intelligent, giving, captivating, beautiful, generous, thoughtful, and caring women God ever created is now a lovely angel. On earth, the love, encouragement, enthusiasm, and inspiration she bestowed upon her 2nd graders will always be remembered.
After surviving difficult trials and tribulations, deaths and disappointments, losses in love and sorrows in life, she strove to overcome all of that which bogged her down in life. At 39 she graduated magna cum laude. Then found the love of her life, and next bought a home. At her physical apex, she worked for it all, she finally had it all. Perhaps in 10 years her students will gain inspiration from her legacy.
In the midst of the hard earned pinnacle of her life, her infectious vitality was forever wiped out by a fellow downhill skier during February vacation. It was a tragedy. I believe there are not enough apologies offered in this world today. A heartfelt request for forgiveness or simple “I’m sorry” can do wonders for those involved. It was an accident. But even with accidents the road to forgiveness can often be made a little shorter and a lot smoother with a genuine apology.
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