This I Believe

John - Highland, Indiana
Entered on December 8, 2006

This I Believe

I believe that Santa Claus is real. I have heard a lot of talk that people think he is not real. To me Santa is the one thing that I look forward to this time of year. Of all the many great reasons why I enjoy waking up on Christmas morning, he is the biggest. He always gets me what I want, even when my parents say he will not.

Some scientists have tried to prove that Santa can’t exist. On average, there are about 2 billion children in the world, if you account for the fact that he does not appear to Muslims, Hindus, Jews or Buddhists children. At an average rate of 3.5 children per home, he would have to visit 91.8 million homes. So he would have to make 8,226 visits per second. That gives him 1/1000th of a second, to park, hop out of the sleigh, go down into the chimney, fill all the stockings, distribute the remaining presents, eat all of the snacks, and get back up the chimney and into the sleigh. He would have to move at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound, and reindeer travel at mere 15 miles per hour tops.

If Santa gave each child a 2-pound present, the sleigh would weigh 353,430 tons, not including Santa. A single reindeer can pull, on average, around 300 pounds of weight. So in order to be able to pull a sleigh that large, Santa would need 214,200 reindeer. If you add the reindeer’s weight, you would now be at about 353,430 tons. Also, going 650 mph, there would an enormous air resistance. The lead pair of reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second. They would burst into flames instantly and the entire team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. The centrifugal forces would be 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. If Santa weighed 250 pounds (which is really light), he’d be pinned by 4,315,015 pounds of force and would die almost instantly.

Santa Claus comes from St. Nicholas, a saint who lived in the 4th century in the Byzantine Empire. Santa is omniscient because he knows which child is good or bad and what presents go with what child. He is omnipotent because he can get into houses without using a chimney. And, of course, he lives in the North Pole so that the cheese platters and fruitcakes won’t spoil. It is a growing problem now because of all the electronics that are being used today, especially the LCD televisions.

The only reason that all this could be plausible is if Santa were more than human. He is over 1,300 years old and is known to love the Packers and his preferred choice of cookies is chocolate chip with a small glass of milk. He has a waist size of 43” and a height of 5’9”. So when people speculate and say they don’t believe in Santa, I say “Hogwash” and ask them if they have ever seen him. They reply no, and then I say “Well of course not—he moves at 650 miles per second.” So Santa is real to me. I have always left out a small glass of milk with the Packers emblem on it and three chocolate chip cookies, and he has never failed me yet in bringing me the gifts I want.