This I Believe

Corryn - Iola, Wisconsin
Entered on December 7, 2006
Age Group: Under 18
Themes: death

Fear of the Inevitable

I believe that my constant fear of death is keeping me from truly living. It isn’t that I am afraid of the way I am going to die, but what is going to happen after I die. Is there really a heaven or hell, do people’s souls just wander around the earth aimlessly, or is every thing just over? “ Do the deeply religious or the deeply irreligious fear life and death the most? Or just those uncertain or uncommitted to any specific belief system at all.“ When I heard this it really struck a nerve. I am not sure what to believe or whether I truly believe anything whole-heartedly.

I used to be religious, when I was younger. But then again when you are younger it is so much easier to believe things that might seem illogical now. I was convinced that there was a heaven, and I was guaranteed entry. As I got older, religion became over rated, and hard to grasp on to. For a while I was fine with my life, not wondering or caring what happens to lost souls like mine. If I did believe would it matter? Is any of it real? Do I have a place in heaven? Or is there a spot reserved for me in hell? Because I honestly doubt the existence of a god, but still want the satisfaction of believing. I want the safety of “knowing” what happens to me after I die, but I can’t commit myself to a belief. It is so hard for me to figure out the path my life is going in.

Don’t let my last point confuse you this isn’t about religion, it is about death. Do you see where I’m coming from with that religion spiel? People with a religion to have faith in have the comfort of having something to believe. At least the reassurance having a place their souls will go. Like I said earlier I’m not afraid of the way I am going to die, pain isn’t what I am afraid of. Maybe it’s that I am afraid to die young. Does that fear go away when you get older? Are you eventually just okay with the fact that you are as good as dead? Or do some people just stay the way I am? Forever. Is there really any sense in being afraid of something that I can’t change or prevent? So in reality do I fear death, or do I just love life too much? So much in fact, that I never want it to end? All lives end. Eventually, I have to learn to accept that I could die today, or tomorrow or Fourty years from now, its going to happen. If I don’t overcome my fear of death ultimately it will lead to my death, this I believe.