This I Believe

cadie - el paso, Texas
Entered on December 4, 2006
Age Group: 18 - 30

Don’t judge a book by its cover, that’s what I have always gone by. I believe in living my life as who I am. I do not live by what people say is “right” or “wrong.” I am very proud of who I am and I choose to stay that way, regardless of what everyone says.

It took me a very long time to accept my sexuality because I knew that that lifestyle was not easy at all. Once I came out, I realized that people would judge, even if they didn’t know me. I had to constantly deal with people’s rude comments and even stares. I was able to put up with this…but then my own parents started in on it. Once they started giving me problems, I hid who I really was…I lied to myself. I became isolated from the outside world…hiding who I was.

I made myself become straight even though deep down inside I knew I was gay. My parents made me go to a therapist to see what was “wrong” with me. I lied to the therapist because all I wanted was for my family to accept me. My dad would always say to me “where did I go wrong?” or “why are you doing this to me?” It hurt me so bad to know that my dad thought I was gay to punish him. I would always push this aside. None of my parents or my techniques changed the way I was…it finally hit me…the only way for me to be happy was to be who I really am.

I began to realize that I didn’t choose to be like this…why would I choose to be hated by society and to be hated by own parents? After about a year of them treating me as if I had a disease, I realized that I didn’t care what they thought or what anybody thought at that. I became my own person again. After becoming my own person, I became happier with myself. I was no longer hiding in the dark…I’m no longer hiding in the dark. I did this for myself, to make me happy. I did it because I don’t think people should judge. I want to show everyone that I am a great person inside and out.

Yes, I still have problems from my parents but I have learned to live with it. I have learned that I am here for a reason whether anybody likes it or not. Even though my attitude of “I’m going to be who I am,” angers my parents, I know it is the only way that I am going to be happy.

I am very proud to be an intelligent lesbian. Nothing has stopped me in being the person that I am. Now I can walk around with pride! I was born like this and I am not going to change it just because it’s “wrong”. I believe in living my OWN life…not by what society says.