This I Believe

Ciria - Orem, Utah
Entered on December 4, 2006
Age Group: 18 - 30
Themes: birth

This I Believe – this is not it, we will have another chance.

About three weeks ago I realized I was pregnant. It was an exciting time, we had been trying to get pregnant for five months and it just was not happening for us. Two weeks later the bleeding began and the next day I began to have contractions. I have never cried so much and as hard as I did that weekend.

This was the second miscarriage that I have had. The first one was close to a year after we were married. It was hard but at the same time I didn’t really hurt as much as I thought I did. We quickly moved on and I was able to give birth two times, and we now have two precious little girls. These pregnancies were rather easy and we had no trouble getting pregnant.

I was ready to get pregnant again and so we began trying to get pregnant. I was becoming more and more frustrated every month. Each month I would get sick and feel as if I was pregnant. And then it would come, confirmation that I definitely was not pregnant. I was at a point where I really did not want another child, it was too hard and I was tired of the hope each month would bring. I actually prayed and asked that I would not have my period – I said that I would rather miscarry than have another period. Well, my prayer came true and I miscarried.

This miscarriage was so much harder than the first, for many reasons but mainly, because I know what I will not have at this time. Since I have had my two little girls I realize the joys of having children. My girls are so precious to me they are my life and I cannot wait to have another child. To have another child would bring me and my family such joy.

The experience of this miscarriage has brought me to the realization of how strong my belief in My Father in Heaven has become. During this time of despair I turned to prayer, and every time I prayed I cried and then I listened. When I took the time to listen I learned that I believe that My Father in Heaven loves me and because of this love this life is not the end. I believe that one day I will be able to raise those two children that I have lost. I will be able to hold that daughter that I have seen so many times in my dreams, that curly headed little girl. And the little boy’s spirit that I felt, for the short time that I was pregnant, I will see him again and be able to experience the joys of life together at another time.

I believe My Father in Heaven loves me and if I live my life to my fullest potential one of my rewards will be the opportunity to raise these two children with my husband. This I Believe.