The pain that filled my heart after my father’s death caused me to awake one morning with an aching heart. Crawling out of bed, my bloodshot eyes watered, and a violent wave of incomprehensible sorrow overwhelmed me. It was a perfect moment of bliss, i never felt more human. To be concious of my pain, to posess a complete realization of my suffering, to feel alive.
The only scrutiny I received came from my own thoughts, I felt pathetic and weak, but empowered all at once. I received the greatest blessing imagineable, for one instant, one solitary moment, existence teetered before me. Everything fell into line and I absorbed this, and came to a personal understaning of life.
I will die one day, and in my death I will transcend into nothingness. My mind danced with this idea for hours. I searched for a higher purpose, what of god, what about some form of higher power?
At this point in my life I had an option, I could have understood my pain, be concious of existence, be aware of existence itself, or I could have found ignorance. During this precise moment, I came to the comprehension of it all, it is my free will that governs me. Within this solitary universe, I have control over nothing but myself. I have no control, no fathomable possibility of avoiding the slings and arrows of misfortune, and it is these pains that connect me with humanity. Many go to god, they sacrifice their free will on Christ’s altar, for you say ignorance is bliss. They dont realize that it is in fact pain that is bliss, and this pain is what makes life worth living. Every moment we are alive, every instant of beauty rests before our eyes, do not look to the afterlife for paradise. Do not allow your pain to be played off as a test to prove your loyalty to some tyrant in the sky. No, becoming aware, basquing in the glorious light that is pain, that is suffering, that in fact is the key to life. It is said that ignorance is bliss, people take their opiates and allow the veil of prevarication to shield their eyes, but shield the well, for if you don’t you shall see your old friend, pitiful, contemptuos, sorrowful, but full of the bliss of life.
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