My parents’ version of the golden rule is that I should not profit from the misery of another; and I believe that. I believe if you sell cigarettes, you are pimping for the tobacco companies, so if I were a store clerk, I would refuse to purvey them and very soon I would be fired. I also believe the gene pool would be enhanced if people stupid enough to smoke would die of lung cancer before they can reproduce. With the exception of my parents. Though there are many intelligent people in it, I believe the public is an idiot. I believe people would feel better if they made more music than they listen to, if they felt the earth beneath their feet when they walk and if they weren’t forced to know about an entire planet’s worth of suffering. I believe giving allegiance to your government is like identifying with your kidnappers. I believe governments wage war until enough regular people just trying to get on with their lives are killed, and then they stop, with no casualties to the interested parties. One of the few things my father told me is, “Never be a sneak.” I have learned this is easy if you always do what you think is right. In my youth I defaced cigarette billboards by blacking out a few teeth in their models’ smiles, always in broad daylight, because I knew it was right and was not ashamed. I believe people feel obliged only to live up to their self-image, so for human behavior to improve, every individual’s idea of himself must improve. My mother said, “Never say anything behind someone’s back that you wouldn’t say to his face.” Therefore I am prepared to say some really awful things to certain politicians should I ever meet their faces. I believe knowledge of the passage of time is what kills us and we would live forever without periodic motion. At least until we died. I don’t think we advance alongside technology’s advances. We are still just cave men living in a more perilous time. I believe there is no bizness like show bizness. I believe the idea of curing cancer is a farce. It only can be prevented, by living naturally. Cancer is not the problem, only a clear symptom of how sick our environment has become. I believe I’ll have another beer. There is no such thing as good and evil, only nice and mean. I think entertainment leaves people unsatisfied and participation makes people feel strong. I believe Little League should be abolished so kids can just go out and play baseball for fun again. And I believe I am finished.
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