I believe that Jesus was not a fluffy bunny. I believe that Jesus would not party and get drunk on Heineken’s and throw up on the Oriental rug in the living room. I believe that Jesus would celebrate love, be it a man’s love for a woman or a man’s love for a man. I believe that people are more similar than they can ever see, and more different than they will ever realize. I believe that college is a broken institution, but it’s still the best one we have. I believe that chocolate can cure just about anything. I believe in true love, and I believe that very few people will ever get to experience it. I believe in broken wineglasses and black eyes. I believe in bare feet and not being uptight and skipping class at least once a week. I believe being lonely is a sign you’re doing things right. I believe that hugs are never overrated and that more men need to brush their teeth. I believe that woman sell themselves short, I believe that women are cruel to each other, I believe that there are enough men around for everyone that wants one. I believe in the sunrise and trees and my dreams, especially the ones with nubile, bendy young men. I believe that my roommate and I are very different people; I believe that we have learned to respect each other; I know that we will never get along. I believe that politicians are decent people at heart who have started buying into their own lies. I believe that sleazy dance music can cure a bad hair day—I believe wearing a skirt can get you out of any funk. I believe that glasses are very sexy. I believe in Hell. I believe that we are all still in Eden and that we are merely blind. I believe I have repeated the word “believe” too much. I believe the Old Testament God was lonely. I believe that patience is a virtue, but who has time for those? I believe in Santa Clause and the Easter Bunny and leprechauns. I believe in aliens and Bigfoot and the American dream with the 2.5 children and the white picket fence. I believe cousin love is not wrong. I believe in poetry. I believe that everyone else is fighting a harder battle—I believe there is no such thing as too much information. I believe in sex toys. I believe in Sex Ed as taught by Google. I believe that green olives are better than black olives and white chocolate is better than dark chocolate. I believe my father is a good man, and I believe that we will never know each other like we should have. I believe in the mission of Post Secret, and I believe no life that has touched another’s is wasted. I believe in every sentimental piece of crap Hallmark card there is. I believe that poor people exist, and that they’re more fun and open and honest and kind than anybody else. I believe that Hollywood is the armpit of America. I believe that American gets a bum rap—I believe the words “bum rap” are suggestive. I believe in potty humor, and plums, and professors who are more interested in their degrees than their students, and I believe in getting too attached to people I don’t know. I believe in meaningless crushes and staying in bed all day. I believe in despair. I believe in psychic powers and getting hurt and giving up everything and I believe good people don’t get rewarded. I believe God has squinty eyes and cornrows. I believe in God, and I believe She gave us a sense of humor for a reason. I believe in myself, and I believe in myself because I believe in you.
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