This I Believe

gabby - Albuquerque, New Mexico
Entered on November 9, 2006

Crybaby sally… I’m fishing with an ugly boat, and every time I say it’s an ugly boat it gets uglier. Why am I not happy with my boat? It floats on the water just like the others, and no one else thinks it’s an ugly boat. I should be happy with my boat, because I just caught a fish. Most often I have felt lonely, no matter how many people surround me, they all seem like dark shadows against a dark background. So I would sigh, and carry myself like a kicked puppy. Since I started high school I had pondered over what felt wrong in my life. I came up with a lot of ideas but deep inside I knew they were just poor excuses. I lay on a lunch bench outside of class, trying my best not to think about a recent breakup. I felt lousy and I needed someone around to help keep my spirits up. Then it hit me, everyone who mingled around me, my “friends” still had nothing to say to me. I hated them for not caring about me and even when I realized how selfish I was acting I was still whining. A few weeks later, I started talking to old acquaintances. After a few weeks of talking, confusion and more talking, I now consider them my friends. I regret that I didn’t get to know them all sooner. Then my perspective changed, I listened to their problems, and for once others listened to mine. They got me to look at myself and say, “ Hey! Stop being so self-conscious.” Everyday I look in the mirror I see myself differently. Is it because I’m changing, or am I still the same? I realized that I talk to a lot of people and they like me for me, isn’t that enough? So what if I got dumped, I don’t need to be in a relationship all the time. In the end I’m done fishing in my high school bathtub. Every day I’m going to look in the mirror and say,” quit being such a cry baby sally!” No offense to anyone named sally.