I believe in loss and gains. Don’t get me wrong, I am no accountant or market analyst. My beliefs are more personal than financial. I believe that it is possible to be consumed by loss and to learn and gain from it. I lost my mother on November 18, 2005. My mother was my life. I was an only child of a single parent, so I am sure that some can imagine the relationship. My mother was there for the births of all my children, holding my hand. She was there when I broke my nose when I was ten years old. She was there when I needed her and there was no one else that I could imagine going to. I was there when she needed me in her last few months. I did things that no child should ever have to do for their mother and that no child would want for anyone else to do for a mother. I watched as she slipped away from me and I was there when her last breath creep away. I hear many people say “I am sorry for your loss” or “You are so young not to have a mother”, I listened to what they say and absorb it. One part of me wants to wallow in that sadness and drown in it. At first I felt as though I was superhuman because everyone else felt sorry for me. Another part of me remembers that I am a mother to three children myself. They will never understand why their grandmother is no longer here or why sometimes I have to stop and stare at the room and sometimes even cry. My mother always taught me to persevere past obstacles and that is what I have done. I have gained. I gained the strength necessary to make it through life. To stand up to those who would bring me down and oppose me. I changed the room that my mother died in to my children’s room. They laugh, play, and sleep in that room, under the protection of my mother. I believe that I have lost much but gained more in my life, this I believe.
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