Abbey Whitsell, English 10.
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Realizing is the first step in knowing something was wrong. Something didn’t feel right. I remember the night when it really hit me. I was walking out side into the crisp autumn night and down the church steps, I sat down on the cold stone step. While waiting for my mom to come pick my sister and I up, I remember thinking about the lesson they taught and how none of it made any sense to me. I racked my brain for answers, none would come. I found myself trapped like a bird in a cage picking at any thing for proof. Proof that for me would never come, sadly just having faith wasn’t enough for me. I dropped out of youth group and turned away from Christianity.
I had been ignorant of other religions and had known nothing. So for the next several months I looked into as many religions that I could, I studied them hoping for one that would keep me at peace. I first studied major religions like; Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism, Spiritism, Judaism, and finally scientology. None seemed to be making any sense to me so my search continued. Next I looked into the less popular religions such as Mormonism, Jehovah’s Witnesses, Satanism, and finally Christian Science. I read and studied I was staying up all night online looking up information about these religion’s determined to find one that to me made sense. During the time of which it was being to look hopeless I was learning to accept that I was agnostic or a person who believes it’s impossible to prove wither there is a god . I would have never of thought that my year long search would end from a book given to me by my grandmother for Christmas. It was a book on Wicca and other religion’s following witch craft. I read the whole book but I seemed to keep coming back to Modern New Age Pagan or more commonly known as Modern Pagan.
I wanted more, for the first time I actually wanted to know as much as I could about this religion. So I quickly looked up all I could, I researched enough to know that I found my belief. Modern Pagan is a belief that focus’s on healing and helping the soul through it’s journey in life. There is no god in this belief instead nature is our leader and we purely focus on self guiding our selves through out our life time. I focus on my strengths, such as happiness and embracing them and my weaknesses such as self insecurity and strengthening it. Nature is the main tool Pagan’s use a lot of herbs like sage, mint leaf, thyme, ect. to help heal the soul. I’m very happy with my belief and my journey upon finding it, I have learned much on this journey and respect all of the religion’s that have helped me find mine.
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