This I Believe

Rebecca - Bow, Washington
Entered on October 16, 2006

Guidance

It is often difficult for people to get through a day without worrying. If I let the “what ifs” control my life I’d have no life. What if I fail this class and can’t get into the college of my dreams, what if I keep making mistakes, what if I never find my passion, what if my sister gets diagnosed with cancer again, what if… But there comes a point in everybody’s life when you have to tell your brain to shut up! I’ve reached that point I’m not afraid anymore. There is a difference between fear and nervousness fear controls your life, nervousness occurs naturally. It is how you make nervousness not turn into fear that deciphers the talented from the brilliant. Where do I turn to for help when I’m my own worst enemy? I find my peace in my music.

My older sister Jenni has been diagnosed with cancer twice retinoblastoma and leiomyo sarcoma two very rare forms of cancer. When first diagnosed at 6 months old doctors said she probably wouldn’t live to see her first birthday. Well she shocked the doctors by living and surviving her cancer and is still alive today. Until recently I didn’t even think about the fact that I could’ve never even met my sister had she not survived that bought with cancer. I grew up in a small town of 4,000 people named Elma, Washington. I had my group of friends and saw absolutely no reason why things should change. Then my parents told me and my sisters we were moving because of my father’s job. I had the instincts to be angry, sad, and disappointed. But the one emotion I couldn’t understand was the fear of an new environment.

So I had to leave my closest friends and try to make new ones while continuing to keep in touch with the old ones. When I’m afraid I clam up and don’t communicate with people. Towards the end of freshman year I began to emerge from my shyness. Then my sister got diagnosed with leimyo sarcoma cancer and I relapsed into my shell again.

The only element that kept me sane was playing the piano. When I’m by myself with no one else around I can play for hours with nothing but the notes in my head. This is how I stayed strong through this time of turmoil. This was my guidance through the rough uncertain times. This I believe brought me through the uncertainty and fear and kept me focused ready for what life would throw at me next.

Well true to her middle name Faith Jenni survived this battle with cancer as well. Do I know exactly what I’m going to do with my life, if I’m going to fail or succeed at the next activity I participate in, will I achieve all my goals? No, but now I know how to address my challenges through my music I can achieve what I dream.