This I Believe

David - WestPalmBeach, Florida
Entered on October 12, 2006

These things I believe

Responsability dosn’t recieve the credit it should. After all, many people seem to have a real hard time with acting responsible. People like my father. It is through his distrustful actions and diplorable lack of responsability that has taught me over the years this painfull lesson, first-hand.How? To start, he was never around when I was growing up.He sets a horrible example which, thankfully, I have enough sense to know this is not how a father, much less a man, should behave, and his excuses do not justify his actions.

It wasn’t easy to grow up without a father.Sure he was there for the first 3 years, but I don’t remember any of it. Every now and then on my birthday, (and more recently, Christmas) he would mabey send me 5 bucks in the mail, or call to say “hi” and say he’s sorry for not being here. After that ugly little community service job is complete, he’ll seep back into obscurity, never to be heard from until the next birthday.As bad as that is, I really don’t care much anymore.His absence was never the main focal point of my sadness, but the men who would replace him. Violent and terrible, everyone of them, always hitting my mom and myself. I would sometimes blame my dad for leaving, causing my mom to bring these men into our live.But then, I started thinking realisticly, seeing as this was not his fault. But why then would he not come take me away from this nightmare?

The answer is simple: he was no better. His life is strung out with police records, DUI’s to jail time.On one occasion, on what was supposed to be a time of great happiness, I finally got to go visit him. While much acohol was consumed, and many strange people came to the residance, the night went downhill for me when we had to walk a few miles down the road in the middle of the night to a friend’s house because his woman kicked him out. The cops were called, and he was arrested. They drove me back to my house, and I didn’t see him again for nearly 3 years.

Always apologizing, but never doing anything to change himself, my dad continued this trend until this present day. His latest excuse was he could not come see me due to him having no licence.I wonder why he dosn’t just drive anyway. Am I not worth the risk? Besides, he’s been in and out of jail so much, what does he have to worry about. His record is messed up enough anyway, what’s one more DUI?There’s probly a reason, or atleast some half-baked and lame excuse.

So, that’s that. A life lived, a lesson learned. The world keeps on spinning. However, I guess I should thank him. In the long run, I learned a hard lesson the only way one should ever learn a lesson.Having lived it first hand, it’s no longer a belief I was told, and that I’m merely led to believe, but a fact I’ve learned by the one person I can really trust. Myself. Myself,and no one elnse.