Family is a bondage that consists through blood. Family is what links generations of
mankind to one another. Should that necessarily mean that family should be given certain
respects? Should I treat all members of my family equally, even if some family members
treat me better than others? If divorce should separate two beings who Spoke the words”
Till death do us part”, should they still communicate for the sake of their children? Or does
parenting become a lost cause?
After the separation of my family, life took on two means, two homes,
and sadly two families. As a child, I was forced into separation. I had to spend holidays
and special occasions with whoever’s turn it was. I felt like a book being checked in and
out. As I grew older, I ultimately was forced to choose between everything Involving the
two most important and influential people in my life, my mother and father.
Eventually the curse spread to both sides of the family when my aunt (father’s sister) protested
the separation and refused to take her brothers side. I was drafted into a war. A war consisting of, a father’s
greed, a grandmothers hate, a mother’s distrust, an aunt’s refusal to choose, and relative’s confusion. I
literally had two families, my mother’s family, consisting of me, my mom, and her sister in law’s immediate. I
also had my father’s family which consisted of me, my father, his girlfriend, his parents, and his brother. My
other relatives either picked sides, or just stayed out of it.
Sometimes when I look back at my childhood, I can remember being at peace with
my families, mainly because I was clueless. I truly thought that was how all families treated each
other. Reality finally took hold the weekend my aunt came down to visit. I had asked my dad to come
and see me, and he refused. I asked him why and He replied because my sister will be there! I was 8 at the
time and wanted to be with them both, but when I asked him,“ If I promise not to see her will you see me”
and He replied, “yes”. I knew something was seriously wrong.
I never understood how my friend’s parents were divorced, and they still communicated and
spent holidays together with both sides of the family. How were they able to do it for the sake
of their child, but my father wouldn’t associate with my mother or even sign her name on
child support checks. I feel that my grandmother and uncle were greatly influenced by my father. My
grandmother loved my mother, and her daughter, but would always put her son first. It never mattered if he
were wrong, he was blood. As for my uncle he never would go against his brother. If he did he knew he would
be disowned like his sister was. I guess that’s the difference between, my mothers, and my
father’s family. My mother’s family has unconditional love for everyone, they never make anyone choose, at.
As for my fathers family, their love is conditional, you live in fear of not meeting up to their expectations and
I often ask myself, why did this happen? Why was my aunt disowned from her parents and brothers,
Just because she refused to exclude her sister in law after the divorce. Why does my father force me to
choose between the people I love? Why can’t he treat me the same whether I associate with them or not ?
I have tried to get through to my him, but he never opens up to me. Honestly I don’t even think he knows
why he is the way he is. Despite all our differences, I will always love my father, but I will never have the
relationship with him that I’ve always dreamed of. Sometimes I wonder what will happen when I get married.
Will I be forced to have two weddings? I guess the future is the only decider of that. I can only hope that
someday I’ll figure out why my family is the way it is. What I do know is that this burden in my life has
changed my reality as a person. It has taught me that blood is not what connects a family. Only pure love can
has that ability. For, in my dictionary love will always come before blood.
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