This I Believe

Caitlin - Lake Worth, Florida
Entered on October 9, 2006
Age Group: Under 18

I believe in being truthful about your emotions. No matter what you should always let people know what you are feeling inside. Two events in my life have reflected upon this belief. When I was about eight, my parents decided that their marriage just wasn’t working out and a divorce was the best idea. I had never heard of divorce since none of my family or friends that I knew of at the time had parents who were divorced. And my mother and father never showed any negativity towards each other in front of my sister and I. We were left in the dark. Whenever my parents would have fights or even discussions they would go into the garage. I never realized what was going on, and my sister was only four so she didn’t even know parents would fight. Because my parents never showed their true emotions, my sister and I both began with an unrealistic outlook on life.

This less affected my sister because she was only four at the time. When my parents would fight and lock themselves away my sister and we would lock ourselves away too. In our room we would both focus on different activities we enjoyed when we were little. I gathered my paints, crayons, colored pencils, and paper together and would draw and paint and create. My sister would pull out the big basket of her Barbie dolls and play Barbie for hours. We both enjoyed the time we had to do what we wanted to, but I was always wondering why my parents would disappear all the time.

Another event in my life that effected my belief was when I was about 12. My grandmother came to pick me up from school just like she did every day, but this time it was different. My grandparents were late to pick me up. And once they pulled up to the school I was the only kid left waiting there. I remember being so upset, until I saw my grandmother’s face. She was crying. I had never seen my grandmother cry and it was a horrible feeling. When I stepped into the car, the only thing my said the whole ride home was “we have some bad news.”

When we arrived to my house, my mom, grandma, grandpa, my sister and I all gathered together and my grandma was still crying. I was so confused, again left in the dark. I looked at my mother, and I would tell she had been crying recently. Her eyes were red and puffy. Once she started to speak her voice became weak, and shaky. She told my sister and I that our Uncle who lived in Oklahoma, killed himself. My grandmother let out a cry. The last time she had spoken to him he had just gained custody of his son, he bought a new house, and was doing really well in his job. We were all shocked to hear the news.

I never really knew how exactly he died. My grandmother refuses to tell me to this day. But my mother took me aside one day and told me that he hung himself. I was shocked. I was told not to tell my sister, we were once again left in the dark. So I think if he had told someone how he was feeling this might have never happened. And if my parents had tried to express their feelings better to each other, maybe they would still be together today. It is very important to express your feelings and be truthful about your emotions.