This I Believe

Kayla - Wellington, Florida
Entered on October 8, 2006

I pushed that girl last night. My leg began to shake as I told her what an immoral person she is, it spread as I thought of how much she hurt me how horrible she should feel about herself. She doesn’t feel bad; she never will, and it was apparent. There was a smirk on her mousy face the entire time. How dare she disrespect me like that. I felt an energy run trough my body, like nothing I’ve felt before. It came up to my stomach, my chest, my arms. I shoved her. All the hardcore boys watching were pretty proud. She was startled; I didn’t think her eyes could get any wider, or her dark circles more disgusting. She may never accept that what she did was wrong, but at least now she’s scared of me, fear is like a form of respect right? And it felt pretty good to finally stand up for my self.

After I stormed off I stopped at the end of the street and soaked in how free I felt. That girl, her three friends, the person who chose her over me. Who cares what they think? I said what I felt without embarrassment or fear. I had never stood up for myself, ever. I had never laid a hand on anybody in my entire life. I’m a vegetarian. I’m a peaceful girl. I never get angry, I never yell. I internalize my feelings, and this past month I finally realized how damaging that can be. I now believe that being pleasant isn’t the most important thing. It is ok to offend people. It’s ok to not be liked by everyone. I don’t want to be a people-pleaser anymore; I don’t want to be somebody who will lie down and take anything without objection. I want to be a strong woman who bravely expresses herself and who will tell off any nasty girls or messy problems that get in her way. I have learned that being timid will not accomplish anything. People will only know how I feel if I am brave enough to tell them. Whether they are boyfriends, teachers, parents or politicians from now on I will try my hardest to be assertive and honest in every situation.