Seeing in Beautiful, Precise Pictures

Because I have autism — I live by concrete rules instead of abstract beliefs. And because I have autism — I think in pictures and sounds. I don’t have the ability to process abstract thought the way that you do.

Here’s how my brain works: it’s like the search engine Google for images. If you say the word “love” to me, I’ll surf the internet inside my brain. Then, a series of images pops into my head. What I’ll see, for example, is a picture of a mother horse with a foal. Or I think of herbie the lovebug. Scenes from the movie love story. Or the beatles song, “Love, Love, Love.”

When I was a child, my parents taught me the difference between good and bad behavior by showing me specific examples. My mother told me that you don’t hit other kids because you would not like it if they hit you. That makes sense…But, If my mother told me to be “nice” to someone – it was too vague for me to comprehend. But if she said that being nice meant delivering daffodils to a next door neighbor — that I could understand.

I built a library of experiences that I could refer to when I was in a new situation. That way, when I confronted something unfamiliar, I could draw on the information in my home-made library and come up with an appropriate way to behave in a new and strange situation.

When I was in my twenties I thought a lot about the meaning of life. At the time, I was getting started in my career of designing more humane facilities for animals at ranches and slaughter houses. Many people would think that to even work at a slaughter-house would be inhumane, but they forget that every human and animal eventually dies.

In my mind, I had a picture of a way to make that dying as peaceful as possible.

I believe that doing practical things can make the world a better place. And one of the features of being autistic is that I’m good at synthesizing lots of information and creating systems out of it.

When I was creating my first corral back in the 1970’s — I went to 50 different feed lots and ranches in Arizona and Texas and helped them work cattle. In my mind, I cataloged the parts of each facility that worked effectively. Then, I took the best loading ramps, sorting pens, single file chutes, crowd pens and other components and assembled them into an ideal new system.

I get great satisfaction when a rancher tells me that my corral design helps cattle move thru it quietly and easily. When cattle stay calm, it means they are not scared. And that makes me feel I’ve accomplished something important.

Some people might think if I could snap my fingers I’d choose to be “normal.” But, I wouldn’t want to give up my ability to see in beautiful, precise pictures. I believe in them.

Temple Grandin is an associate professor of animal science at Colorado State University. She has designed one-third of all livestock handling facilities in the United States with the goal of decreasing the fear and pain animals experience in the slaughter process.

Independently produced for NPR by Jay Allison and Dan Gediman with John Gregory and Viki Merrick. Edited by Ellen Silva. Photo by Nubar Alexanian.