This I Believe

Lisa - Westland, Michigan
Entered on October 2, 2006
Age Group: 18 - 30

My Masks

I believe I’m stuck behind masks and that I’m afraid to show who I really am.

I sit in my room alone a lot and try to figure myself out. I’ve decided I have a number of masks that I currently wear.

I know I appear to be a good kid to the people I work with. But do they really know me? Or do they just know my “work” mask? There is no way they could know my past and who I used to be. Mask number one.

When I am around my friends they think I’m an outgoing person who isn’t afraid to do anything. Boy they couldn’t be more wrong! I am afraid of so many things it’s scary to think how I could even make new friends. I’ll call this mask my “outgoing” mask. Mask number two.

My father thinks I am a cold person who holds grudges for life and can never forgive or love. Little does he know that I love him so much it hurts that he thinks so little of me. The coldness is merely another mask to help me get through the emotions. This is my “cold” mask. Mask number three.

My ex boyfriend who I was with for six years thinks that I am heartless and I don’t care. This is yet another mask, my “heartless” mask, which I wore around him so he wouldn’t be able to hurt me. He doesn’t know that I have only ever talked positive about him. Even after he cheated on me I have always said that I hoped the best for him and I knew he really was a good person. I hope he is very happy with whoever he is with. Mask number four.

I have a mask for every person I am around. I am sitting alone in my room now trying to figure out which mask is really me. I wrote a poem in the beginning of the year that sums up my hopes;

Who Am I?

I feel so lonely in this place; I’m tired of wearing

someone else’s face. I dream of a place where I can be

free, a place where I can be me. I hide behind the

lies of who I am, trying to be God’s little lamb.

One day my mask will fade away, and it will dawn a

new day.

I believe that one day I will discover that I do not need a mask.