I believe I should be living in this moment.
Worry and despair over all those “other” moments’ only decreases my chances of allowing this moment to provide the learning experiences that I can use to build the next moment with. The reality of it is is that this moment is the next moment.
A fella told me once that I should make plans, but not plan the outcome. The adjustments I’ve made mentally for the possibility that I can’t, or maybe even more importantly shouldn’t know the outcomes of my plans have been difficult. When my wife and I were arranging for our wedding ceremony the pastor told us that we were looking at some significant differences in our outlooks on life and rather than approach these as difficulties we should appreciate those differences as opportunities for growth.
I believe I still have a lot of room for growth. I have no doubt that if I give unsolicited appraisals of the status of someone else’s growth potential I have stunted my own. That had to become a key ingredient in what I have tried to incorporate into what I believe.
Having all this potential for growth seems limiting at times. How can I possibly live up to such a standard? My out became simple. Learn from my mistakes. Be teachable. I’ve watched our grandson delightfully repeat a behavior that garnered a positive response. I’ve also watched him balk at the prospect of something that would generate what he perceived as a negative experience. If a three year old can learn to differentiate between these positive and negatives, certainly a forty eight year old can too.
Somehow the ability to learn can’t just leave us because we became adults. I need to believe that this moment and what I can learn from it is the one that matters and no amount of wishing that it ain’t so will change that. By enjoying what is here and now I’ve replaced that bitter what if mind set. And that is why living the here and now had to be broken down to just this moment. I had lost too much of my life wishing there could be some way to enjoy the next moment and lost the ability to enjoy the moment I was actually living in. Believing that all I have is right now to deal with takes away the sting of past failures and brings the hope that if I can be here in this moment I won’t screw up the next one, if it ever really gets here.
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