This I believe: to go with your gut.
There I was sitting in my Director’s office while she and the HR Director were firing me. “Christina, after much thought and consideration, we decided to sever our ties with you.” said my Director. During her entire speech, this line was repeating over and over in my head. Apparently, the 10 to 12 hour work days and weekends I was working as a grantwriter weren’t enough. Months prior to my pink slip, my gut was telling me to quit my job. I was unhappy, exhausted and unappreciated. It took every fiber of my being to come to work. Finding a new job was a battle in of itself. With the hours I worked and exhaustion I felt, I couldn’t muster the strength to write a cover letter by the end of the day. Despite my daily frustration, I stayed. I immediately thought how my employment with this organization was like a bad marriage. I tried so hard to make it work. I knew I had to get out but I invested so much of myself to this organization. It was so much of my identity and I wouldn’t know how to exist without it. Through the entire meeting, I was also thinking about the irony behind this entire situation. My employer’s mission is to serve the needy and once I spend my last paycheck, I was going to soon be one of their clients. There I was, in need, and being kicked out the door.
While the HR Director was giving my last rights, I regretted not listening to my gut. I was blinded by conventional wisdom telling me to wait for the right time to find a new job. I waited and waited until I was beat to the punch. I could have saved myself months of blood, sweat and tears if I just took the plunge. I know I am not special in my experience. All of us are frustrated with our jobs. Honestly, it doesn’t have to be that way. If I knew there were better opportunities out there, I would have saved myself the humiliation of taking my last walk down the hall of my organization with my boxes of my belongings and saying good-bye to everyone. Instead, I could have left with a little dignity and a positive attitude of a new beginning. Always go with your gut!
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