This I Believe

Sezer - Mountain View, California
Entered on September 7, 2006

I believe in fate; the idea that we all have a predestined path we might eventually have to walk on. I came to this realization, before a couple weeks that school ended this year. It was a hot June night that this came to me, while I was lying on the hammock in the front porch, staring at the twinkling stars and the midnight sky. Why, I asked my self, why does this happen to me?

Questions stirred in my head, as the moon glared, and I swung on the hammock, left and right, and left and right some more. I was impatient, restless, dazed and confused at the thought of why everything occurs to me. Why did I pass the white Toyota at exactly 3:33 PM today, why was I late to my doctor’s appointment, and why, why did I fall asleep when my best friend was being taken away to a wilderness camp in the middle of the night to the nowhere of Utah.

Let me make my self clearer. What made me think of this question I asked my self more then ten times a day, was not the white Toyota passing me at a weird time or the fact that I was late to my doctor’s appointment, it was why was I late to it? Why?

Ironically, it was exactly when the North Star twinkled at me that night that I came up with the answer. Dink dink! I had found the answer! I had found the answer? Or so I thought…But the answer was that there really wasn’t one. I was late just because I was supposed to be late, and I passed the white Toyota just because it was there at the same exact time, same exact path I was on. Yeah, and that was it. Each step I took, landed me somewhere I needed to be during exactly at that time, and exactly at that minute, that second in my life path. It made perfect sense. It was logical and clarified, and my impatience was taken over by a feeling of intellect.

That night my friend was taken away was almost traumatizing; it hit me like how people run over squirrels. It was definitely unexpected, unpredicted, and out of nowhere it appeared. For three weeks straight, after that night, I didn’t talk, didn’t eat, didn’t show any emotion but only thought. I thought to myself constantly, to the point where it was just bothering me awfully. He was my equal, my friend, someone I could depend on and share how I felt with. He was beautiful, and I was beautiful with him. I had found the final piece to my puzzle, and I was at that stage where I had that feeling right after you accomplish something…my worries were gone, my head was clear, and I was, at last, happy. But…he was gone.

And it made me wonder, why such a good thing would be taken out of my life, to the point where I was completely miserable, and why these good things never last. And after thinking all that time, I did come up with an answer to my annoying question that haunts me till I do, and that answer was…it was meant to happen. It was meant to be, he was meant to be taken away from me unexpectedly that night, and that good thing had to end and be out of my life.

So I realized, that everything has a purpose and a reason in life. When my friend left me, I learned something new, that I didn’t need him, and I didn’t have to be dependant on anyone to feel happy and secure. I had myself to make me happy, myself to share my feelings with and I was on my own to deal with the next event that was going to happen in my life.

Finally I got up from the hammock and went inside, when I finally accepted the thoughts above, I realized how big of a role fate plays in our life. Every step we take, every move we make, everything that goes through our mind in that split millisecond is all written, waiting to happen by the choices we make and the actions we take.

So why did this happen to me? A lot of my questions still remain unanswered. And I still don’t know if all of us are meant to have a destiny, that everything is written for everyone, but I know I figured out how mine works about. I just have to remember to think carefully before I take my steps, hope for the best, and remember that if I believe, fate will be with me and help me through the end.

Thank you Fate. For you have changed me, matured me, and made me realize that my choices, my actions, my steps, make up my destiny. How do you choose to play the game of life? What step is next for me? I don’t know. But Fate’s with me. And that’s all I need to know.