This I Believe

Kymber - Seminole, Oklahoma
Entered on September 6, 2006
Age Group: Under 18
Themes: family, integrity

I believe in communication. When my parents got divorced, I had no one to talk to nor did anyone understand. Many people judged me and told me I would never amount to anything because I would have an unstable life. I never showed how I felt about the remarks and what people were saying because I felt confused and worthless. When my dad remarried, his wife never wanted me around. When I had been at my dad’s for a few days, she would tell me that my dad did not want me there anymore and I was to go home. He was always mad when I left, but I was always confused and I never told him what was really going on. I never showed any emotion because I was afraid what he would do, or would he even believe me. I would only show emotion to my mom, but I always asked her not to tell my dad. Because I never told him, my dad hardly ever came to my activities. That taught me not to expect people to be there for me when I asked. I started shutting people off to my life never letting them know how I felt because I thought people would never care. I waited out the marriage of my dad and step mom without ever telling my dad what she was doing or how I felt. They were married six years until they finally got divorced, and I had six years of being hurt and untold feelings that still hang on.

One day the door to communication had opened when my dad finally asked me why I never wanted to see him and always wanted to leave. I told him that my step mom always told he never wanted me around. I told him that my mom would sit up with me all night long crying because I thought he did not want me. After I told him a huge relief was off my shoulders. Even though I was able to express how I felt I still did not like to talk about my feelings to other people. My dad is now there for me in all my activities. We spend time together and he gets to know the real me. When problems upset me or make me mad, I usually do not show emotion. Not communicating took the best of me when I got sick over the summer. The doctors practically told me that stress was overcoming me, and I needed to start talking to people and letting emotions out. If I started communicating I probably never got sick, and I knew I had to take control and change how I was living. I now express how I feel calmly and I am in control. Keeping in emotions can get the best of a person and drag him down and that is why I believe in communication.