This I Believe

Constance - Vineland, New Jersey
Entered on August 28, 2006
Age Group: 50 - 65

Self Portrait:

I believe in myself, I believe in self-help. I believe if you don’t help yourself no one can. I knew a beautiful woman who had parents who loved her, three small children who adored her but because she did not believe in herself and in self help she perished. My mother was an alcoholic and so was my father. The life I was raised in was a painful life and embarrassing life. When I look back on my life its hard to believe I made it. Had I not believed in myself I would have perished. I did not want to die. I remember one time someone told me if your parents were alcoholics then you most likely the children would become one also. I did not agree with that statement then. I believe a person can become what ever they desire in. It was up to me to allow unfavorable people and situations in life or put myself in favorable situations.

I drank alcohol and enjoyed it, I was on a mission. I had to prove that I could drink and not have it destroy me like it did my parents. I was going to find out what it was all about. Why did my parents destroy themselves and hurt three beautiful children which came from their reunion. My conclusion was they were weak and did not believe in themselves. I discovered something about myself. I discovered I was no better than my parents.

I had a child that I wasn’t a good mother to because I was drunk all the time. Couldn’t keep a place to live because I spent all my money in the bars. I kept a job because I tendered bar, the perfect job for the alcoholic, I was not! My child then, was twelve years old and I had been drinking the whole twelve years. I drank everything liquor, beer, coolers and wine. One day my sister said to me “ this room stinks, it smells like liquor and cigarettes, and you have your daughter smelling this! It caught me right between the eyes, what was I doing? I was in a fog for so long, how could this be? I had a handle on this thing! The only precept I had going on was belief in myself.

I decided enough was enough, I got myself cleaned up, went into the Air National Guard and found self. For the first time in my life I was sober and was able to see my worth . In the military you have to use your inter strength and use all that you have. One of the greatest gift a person could give themselves is belief in oneself. No one can take away your belief. To believe in yourself takes guts, commitment and truth to oneself, no matter what.