I believe in patience.
I spent my elementary school years in Sao Paolo, Brazil, having moved there from Colorado because my father’s job had been transferred. I went to a private American school, with students from Kindergarten all the way to 12th grade. I remember always wanting to hurry up, to grow up, to get past whatever was in front of me, and to move onto the next thing. I remember even when I was a little kid wishing I was in the 12th grade, or grown up already. Patience was not even in my vocabulary.
When we moved back to the United States I was a freak in middle school, surrounded by scary cliques of kids who were way too cool for the strange girl who didn’t “get” any the references they made to trendy TV, clothes, and music. I spent so much energy wishing that time would speed up so I could move on to the next phase, as fast as possible – to get thru this whole “life” thing. Being patient and observant seemed to be sad lot of old people and toll takers.
After blazing through a disappointing High School and up and down college experience, I set my sights on moving as quickly as possible thru each day – always looking forwards and never standing still, never truly savoring a moment, never letting time slow down. Never feeling the spark of true love or even being patient enough to believe it existed. Maybe I thought it could never happen to me. Maybe I thought I didn’t deserve it. Life for me was like a movie on fast forward, inconspicuously zooming toward the end.
And then I met Andrew.
It’s funny how you don’t see yourself until someone holds up a mirror. Until someone shows you what you’ve been missing. Why you’re here. Why being here is good. Why it’s ok to act like a kid – to laugh, catch frogs, pick flowers, and have puppy dogs lick my face all over. Why taking a deep breath and looking around feels so wonderful when you’re focused on what you’re doing instead of worrying about what’s around the corner. Realizing the pleasure of gently passing time with a true companion is worth patiently waiting an eternity for. Finally figuring out life’s experiences are so rich when they’re taken in and savored.
After 15 years with Andrew, it’s how comfortable I feel being with him…and how moved I am when the sun sets so beautifully I can’t imagine nature sharing such an incredible gift with us. Its how I feel with my hand firmly in his, wishing time would slow down… I believe in patience and in waiting for the awakening of true love. And that patience rewarded is being able to go back in time – with Andrew as my guide – back to all the times I wished I was grown up…and getting to be a kid all over again.
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