This I Believe

Kelly - Fairfax, Virginia
Entered on August 9, 2006
Age Group: 30 - 50
Themes: children, hope

I believe in hope and persistence. Without hope and persistence, I could not have endured the past two years of struggle to have the child my husband and I long for. I’ve learned it takes a thick skin to go through infertility and it’s only in stages have I learned how strong the human spirit can become when faced with sadness, frustration, and despair.

When my husband and I started on our journey to create a family, it seemed like such a simple decision for us. Women get pregnant every day, but with infertility it becomes a whole other ballgame. And sometimes it does feel like a game. The morning when we find out if our treatment succeeded is the absolute worst. Everything hinges on this one blood test that let’s you know if you’re still in the game or if you’ve struck out. I’ve had the fortune and misfortune to be on both sides. It’s not fun on either. I’ve had the fortune to become pregnant twice, but twice miscarried in my first trimester. I’ve also had two treatments end in negatives.

Infertility has changed my life in many ways. I’ve learned that the depth to sadness is great and sometimes unimaginable. I’ve learned that good people sometimes don’t get the break they deserve.

Through all the ups and downs I began to learn more about myself . I began asking how much stress and devastation can I really take? My parents would ask, “When will you give up and go on to another plan?” But I had hope. Hope is a powerful thing. It almost becomes this friend who urges you on, who keeps motivating you to take another injection, and keeps saying, “you’ll succeed if you try hard enough.” I always knew my persistence would work in my favor and I was finally put to the test. How much could I really take of this life that engulfs you 24/7.

Whatever I had tried hard at, whether in professional or personal life, I had always succeeded. Infertility wasn’t one of those things I could just “try harder” at. I learned this the hard way. I became religiously dedicated to my first IVF cycle. My hope was working overtime and I told myself I’d be the perfect patient.

My daily abdominal and later hip injections tested my perseverance, but I kept on. I felt I became the super human who could withstand pain. Maybe this is when I learned most about myself. I could trudge on when the going got tough. I was tested and I won. This may have been the only thing I had won at the moment, but I knew from this experience that anything was possible.

I won’t let infertility win because I firmly believe in my heart and mind that a baby is in our future, whether it be biological or through adoption. I have hope that this child will bring us the much needed joy and laughter back into our lives.