For a long time I never thought about what I believed. I sought for my belief, but I could not find the belief that followed my heart. Till that day I took a test that my teacher gave to me. A flash of intuition crossed my head. I found out my belief that I have sought for a long time. I believe the most important thing for me till now is my pride.
I have never realized it, my pride, I have owned it for such a long time, has already deeply through my blood and bones. My pride, it accompanies with me for 18 years but I did not know what that was. I did not know it was my pride.
I used to think I believed in I am a good person. But I figured out I did not really wanted to be a so-called “good person” because I find it was hard for me to define a good person, and also sometimes my acts evilly. So, I think I believe in I am a bad girl. But in fact, I am not. I love my family, I try to study hard, and I am far away from crimes and bad habits. From this point, it seems I am a good girl. Good or bad, makes me confused, but one thing I catch from these good and bad stuff, that is my pride. No matter good or bad, my pride will lead the way for me. My pride restricts me not to be a bad girl, but it will support me not to be a “good person”. My pride will illustrate a person that I should be.
I have to acknowledge my pride is not purely good. But it really let me realize whom I am and what I have to do. It makes me strong. I hold my pride, I know I have to stand tall, speak loudly, and show my dignity, even though it will make me feel lonely or be hurt by myself. I hold it and I do not want to put it down. I come from a culture that taught me not to hold my pride so tightly because I will hurt by my pride. I learned it and I knew it. However, I cannot follow it because I know if I put my pride down, I will become weak and mean nothing. I feel fearful of that. Like the sword has two edges, maybe my pride will hurt me, but it also can protect me. I will not afraid the hurt that made by my pride because I know that it the cost that I should pay.
Now, I believe the most important thing for me is my pride, even though I still seek for the other believes that I believe from my heart. I am young, maybe this can give me an excuse to change my mind everyday, because young people usually do not know what they really want and have. I know I am one of those young people. But I also know my pride, maybe one day I will ignore it or forget about it again. It will still by my side to protect me, to support me, and to lead the way to me, because I want to feel the exist of me; but without my pride, I will not know whom I am, and where I will go.
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