Time Wasted is the Best Time Spent
Time budgeting stresses me out. I’d like to waste time without being held accountable. I am consumed by the thought of productivity and this often leaves me immobile. Lists, schedules, and prioritizing those lists and schedules make my stomach boil. Feeling guilty that I didn’t fit one more chore into the routine or that I didn’t maximize every opportunity is not the way I’d like to end each day. I even find myself calculating the many hours my inefficiency has consumed. I am regretting my days away.
Today I broke free.
An impromptu drive to the dunes was perhaps the most nourishing thing I did for myself this week. My husband and I jumped in the car with few expectations. We arrived at six in the evening and spread our blanket on the warm earth. We decided to let the lake borrow four hours of our day. As I lay there, eye parallel to the sand, I watched, listened, and remained silent. In the back of my mind my worries and nagging agenda would have to wait. Our conversation was minimal. I pondered healthy thoughts and not those that are caught up in my daily life. I didn’t think about the huge transition I would be making a month from now or how tomorrow would go. My thoughts held no structure and I was completely liberated.
I hadn’t planned to stop planning my life, but for those revered hours I experienced an involuntary vacation and I enjoyed it. Today I allowed the scenery, the birds, and a sweet summer breeze to repair me. I felt the sun massage my arms and shoulders and release my tense energy. I bid the air to hold me and the cold waves to sting my feet. Each breath was full and salutary. My mind was appeased.
The ride home broke my trance and I began to organize and over think as usual. But I kept room for some of my fondest memories, most of which revolve around my irresponsibility with time. Life was a little sweeter before I understood the hands of a clock.
I know I spend too much time worrying about time. Today I even spent time killing time, but I feel no remorse. I believe a little time wasted is often the best time spent.
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