I believe that a person’s contributions and value to society can be evaluated in terms of the little things they do each day.
I believe the greatest gift people were given by God was the gift of taste.
I believe that every animal can and should be tasted at least once during a person’s lifetime.
But, I believe people who choose to eat tuna in public for lunch at an office building have no moral compass.
I believe children should be given driver’s licences when they turn 6, so they learn that just because something’s legal, doesn’t mean you get to do it.
I believe that bears on TV are so cute if I ever see one in real life it will be a struggle not to hug them.
I believe that if the movie that is actually the best movie of the year ever gets the Oscar for best movie of the year, an angel gets its wings.
I believe there are plenty of examples where the book is worse than the movie.
The best example is probably “Waterworld.”
I believe the best example of a sequel better than the original is “Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey”
The second best example is “Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls.”
I believe magic is cool, but magicians are too creepy.
I believe the internet should be so totally free that it frightens good people everywhere.
I believe when Puerto Rico becomes a state, it will force American bigots to re-evaluate their perception of Hispanic’s for the better.
I believe we should elect the guys from South Park as President and vice-president. They would make good decisions, but would also make the news much more interesting to watch.
I believe the last time I watched TV news and felt like I got the whole story was on shows brought to me by the letter “Q”
I believe when you hear an obnoxious cell phone ring, you shouldn’t yell at that person, you should give them a hug, because they must be very sad inside. Plus, it will make them feel a lot worse about themselves than just yelling at them to put it on vibrate.
I believe that flying cars are not the answer, but I’m still going to buy one when they come out.
I believe money can buy happiness if you put it in the hands of someone with an imagination like Willy Wonka or Frank Zappa.
I believe string-theory is probably right, but I don’t understand a lick of it.
I believe there have got to be authors out there more deserving of publication than Paris Hilton.
I believe people should wear suits all the time outside of work, but never during work.
I believe that whenever Johnny Depp is in a movie, it deserves to be seen.
I believe that whenever Colin Ferrall is in a movie, I can probably skip that one.
I believe that the best name ever for a springer spaniel is Leon Wasserstein.
I believe that if one person hears this and stops eating tuna fish in the office, it was all worthwhile.
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