As a child, I believed in the happily-ever-after, fairytale ending. I always had faith that Cinderella would find her Prince Charming, as I believed I would one day find my own. What I most truly believe in and value in life is the existence of true love. I believe in this, because I, at one point in my life, had believed I had found my true love.
October 6, 2002 marks the day that would ultimately impact not only the way I view the world, but more importantly, the way I view myself. This was the day that I met the one person who would have the power to control my every feeling and emotion and who would determine whether I would have a “good” day or a “bad” day.
In the first three months, I felt a surge of unprecedented happiness and euphoria that was foreign and miraculous to me. I felt powerful, yet powerless; I felt strong, yet weak; I felt happy, yet miserable. This emotional rivalry within me created a sense of confusion, both positive and negative. As I look back on my journal entries from four years ago, I remember and I feel, the moments that made up the dark period of my life following these three months of happiness.
He would tell me that I was the most important person in his world and he would love me, unconditionally, “always and forever.” Little did I know, “always” meant “for now” and “forever” meant nothing. In the months following these, I was faced with an obstacle so difficult I have yet to encounter one like it. I had to overcome the heartbreak and betrayal that eventually accompanied the too-good-to-be-true three months of content. Though my grades suffered, my optimism for life vanished and my feelings betrayed, I still could not let go of this sole person who had, at one point, been the source to my inexplicable joy, who also was the cause of all my emotional distress.
In the years following, I refused to allow myself to be happy and showed little more than apathy and regret. Yet, today, nearly four years later, I look back on my experience and realize its significance. This experience has given me the ability to be empathetic, hopeful, and once again, optimistic towards life.
Reminiscing these moments of the brightest and darkest moments of my life, thus far, my eyes still fill with tears as the feelings come immediately rushing back at me, as though it only happened yesterday. Though my first attempt at fulfilling the fairytale ending failed, I still have hope that one day I will be the Cinderella and I will, inevitably, find my Prince Charming.
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