This I Believe

Chad - Adrian, Michigan
Entered on June 8, 2006
Age Group: 18 - 30

Life as a [W]HOLE

I’m living in an Unmerciful Hell that of which the chains are holding me down, I try to escape, but get hurt worse every time. I try to escape this devastating place, I try to help my friends when they have all this hate in them and they want to end it by a quick slice to the neck, a blow to the head, or a slow and horrible death, while yet I still have problems, but I try not to speak of them. I hurt more, every key I hit puts more pain into my head at which I can’t break free I feel like I’m falling but I know I will never hit the ground. They cry, they hurt they try to think of a reason to not die, but get a vision everything would be better if they just committed the tragedy of themselves

While yet I’m in this cage, this ring, the middle of all this a show that once begins and never ends I know these are my good and best friends…but yet there’s no escaping that of which has happened to you. I care for my friends I try to help them with their tragedies, their heart breaks, while yet I’m just hurting myself more and more. I attempt to tell myself to try to not live with this, not listen, but I can’t. I’m too weak to even try to get back up I can only stand here and have all these sorrows hit me blindly, they hurt me more and more, but I don’t like to betray my friends, look the other way. While yet I have the same problems such as they do.

I’m depressed, sad, hated, and mad and know the only girl that I care about and cherish feels no feelings for me accept the thoughts of what her life would be like. I look into her sweet, delicate eyes and cry in my heart, I love her so, but I know she would never talk to me again. I live in this Unmerciful Hell; I will never break free of this. The pain, the tremendous joy which turns into sorrow, hate, sadness and yet I still try to help up my friends even though I know I’m killing myself, my life, my dreams are all fading away from me I will never recover from this. There may be a way, but I know I can’t take it. For I shall be too weak to even try to move, no one can help me except one, which I know detests me.

There are times at which I’m happy, but they slip away from me like a morning breeze one moment there and in an instant, gone. Many times I try and try to make myself feel better and be happy, but they are wrong. They free me from this world, but not from my life. I try to overcome my fears, but hurt myself more. I try to do things that are right and the only one I want is my cherished angel, the one I have loved for so long, but I know it will never be a happy ending for me. Nothing is happy. I try to be, but hurt more; I tell no one, I hide everything. I try to reveal it, but don’t, I’m scared for what is to come if I do. I know I’m nothing, but a mortal who is nothing to me why did I have to have this brought to me. I’ll die here helping out my friends while inside I’m already dead. This is my life, my pain, my curse, my Unmerciful hell.