I believe in contradictions.
I believe in nothing. Yet, I believe in everything.
I believe there are such things as stupid questions. But I believe that if you don’t question things, you get what you deserve.
I believe that there is such a thing as an ugly baby. I also believe that all babies are beautiful.
I believe that my wife is always right. However, I believe that my wife should occasionally pretend to be wrong.
I believe my kids think that I’m Superman. I also believe that my kids increasingly think that I’m an idiot.
I believe in global warming. Yet, I believe I want to buy an 8-cylinder diesel engine, four wheel drive, crew cab pick-up truck that gets 12 miles per gallon on the highway.
I believe all politicians are crooks and morons. But somehow, I believe in democracy.
I believe professional athletes shouldn’t be role models. And I believe I worshiped Pete Rose when I was a kid.
I believe that real men change the oil in their cars. Yet, I believe I can’t find the dip stick in my SUV.
I believe in the endangered species act. But I believe I had ostrich tartar for dinner last week.
I believe exercise is good for the body and soul. However, I believe my La-Z-Boy recliner is very comfortable.
I believe we need to embrace all cultures, people and viewpoints. But I believe that political correctness is rotting away our ability to think independently.
I believe we all need to laugh more. However, I believe that no one can take a joke anymore.
I believe the New York Giants will win the Superbowl every year. Yet, I believe I will be disappointed every twelve months.
I believe red wine lowers blood cholesterol. I also believe I love rib eye steaks.
I believe I’m a total and complete cynic. Yet, I believe one person can change the world.
I believe in freedom of the press. However, I also believe in the freedom to change the channel.
I believe I want to look like that guy on the Bow Flex commercials. Unfortunately, I believe I actually look like the Stay-Puff Marshmallow man.
I believe in equality among the sexes. Yet, I believe that women know they are smarter than men.
I believe I’m forgetting more things as I get older. But, I believe I can still remember the kid in elementary school who could burp his ABCs.
I believe in second chances. Yet, I believe in three strikes and you’re out.
I believe I hate stereotypes. However, I believe I’m a chronically white male who can’t jump and who dances like Al Gore at a campaign rally.
I believe I liked Ginger better than Mary Ann. I also believe that today’s kid’s watch too much television.
I believe airlines discriminate against tall people with long legs. But I believe I’m too cheap to buy tickets in first class.
I believe in free speech. Yet, I believe in the right of everyone to keep their mouths shut.
I believe we put too much emphasis on money. However, I believe I’m underpaid.
I believe my wife and kids are the best part of my life. Yet, I believe my family drives me crazy.
I believe we need more civil debate in our society. However, I believe cursing should be allowed in Presidential debates.
I believe reality television is phony. But, I believe professional wrestling is real.
I believe money and commercials have killed the spirit of Christmas. Yet I still believe in Santa Claus.
I believe in these contradictions. They bring consistency and predictability to my life. They may be illogical, inappropriate, worrisome, idiotic and/or irrelevant. But they’re me. And I suspect that they’re you too … if you’re willing to admit it.
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