What I believe, what I think I believe and golf
You know, sadly, its not so much what I believe but more so what I think I believe. I appreciate that what I believe does not even come close to what others believe about me but ever more importantly what I believe about myself. There is a lesson here kids, but I am not sure I believe it or let alone could define it.
Beliefs for me are not as simple and as clear as they are for most others. Sadly, the following story details how I lost the ability to believe in me and subsequently questioning all my beliefs from religion to politics to rearing a family. My total collapse in what I believe my beliefs to be is a direct result of the game of golf. Be warned this game is evil. Oh not for all the time I spent away from the family, or the obsession of purchasing new and improved gear. No a more sinister reason I believe is at play here.
You see, at one point I fancied my self a natural, and would boast, to whoever would listen that I had only taken up the sport recently. I even convinced myself that even a guy in his late 30s with a wife and three kids could somehow, in short order, master this sport. I believed that like many good Americans, a strong work ethic and lots of sweat would take my game to new heights. I believed that technology, would augment my game, and I believed my natural ability would propel my game, to what I believed were unlimited heights. Amazingly, only a year or so after taking up the game I carded a 72. A feat not commonly reached by your average player. I believed I was no average player. Tragically, my house of cards, constructed by the belief of somehow possessing a gift from god, was shattered beyond all that I believed was possible after I filmed and viewed my swing…
What I believed I would see did not come close to the reality of the horrid and frankly repulsive swing I possessed. I was sickened. I was so troubled that I immediately believed I needed to tweak my swing. I believed that once again hard work and some fine tuning would make my swing look pretty and improve my game. I tweaked, I adjusted I worked and I believed that somehow I had accomplished what I had set out to do.
Today, is almost two years to the day my belief and my reality confronted one another. The game I believed would define my golden years, which I believed would make life worth living, that would ensure my continued and sustained penchant for sports and activity well into old age, is but a cursed reminder that I became consumed by repairing my misguided belief instead of accepting my reality. I believed that repairing my belief was key to my eternal happiness. Somehow I believe I missed what other people believed about me; namely that I played the game pretty good, despite any true athletic ability. I believe that I still possess the same gifts somewhere in this defeated body and more importantly 39 year old mind.
Today, belief for me is not a pillar of my reality. I still play golf and I still think I will fix this swing and yes, I believe golf is an evil game.
If you enjoyed this essay, please consider making a tax-deductible contribution to This I Believe, Inc.