This I believe……..
You are what you want to be, your goals, your desires, and the essence of what you already forgot you could be.
After a big fight with my husband I just couldn’t understand how ten years passed us by, filling us with emptiness and dissatisfactions. Ten years from what I could barely recall a memory. I spent an entire night counting stars, seconds and interrogating my memory, trying to remember why I fell in love, why I’m still here, why do I live like this, and the seconds became minutes, and the minutes hours and the hours became one of the longest nights.
After looking and almost giving up I finally found my self, lost in bills, traffic, monotony, loud noises, diapers, homework, and everything that I thought was important every single day of those ten years that passed me by.
And when I finally found my self, I was still eighteen years old, laughing from any other reason but joy, looking at clouds sitting in the car holding his hands for hours, just staring at the unstable clouds disguising themselves into different shapes and figures dancing in the sky. I closed my eyes as I remembered and I could almost feel the warmth of his hands, the smell of his skin, I could see the blue of his eyes lost in my hair and my laugh; all these feelings were revealed to me almost as if I was there; and I took a big breath inhaling the most pure oxygen, and as I inhaled I remembered that those were the moments that I missed. The air I inhaled invaded me, I had never experience such a feeling, so much pleasure just from breathing. The air was flowing like never before from my nose through my throat, to my lungs, and my entire body was filled with this oxygen that made me float in the air, reminding me of the dreams I had forgotten.
I realized that what I missed it was being me, and the simple husband who ten years ago could afford so little but achieved to give me the best memories of our relationship. Unfortunately, like most of the people we started to grow up, and with this the kids came, the house, the cars, and our careers, and all our dreams became to be economical and material goals, and everyday became to look the same, to taste the same, to smell the same, until I couldn’t with my self.
After this I began to analyze myself and I started a new journey, remembering who I was, so I can be again. I have been exercising my memory lately, and the more I remember me, the more comfortable I feel under my own skin, my kids give me joy, my husband is already walking up again the stairs of the pedestal that I had him in before, my life began to make more sense, and every day is a different day, not one day is the same as the one before.
And this I believe……. you can believe in yourself again, in the one you love, in your dreams and goals, you could be all you truly want to be. I believe we all have to have goals, dreams, and desires, because that is what makes us who we are. I believe that if we forget what we are living for, we stop living, breathing pure oxygen, thinking clear thoughts; we oppress our souls, and give power to our brains that finally take our lives and makes us mechanical beings. This I believe, we could be what we want to be, but always remembering the essence of our dreams.
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