I think I believe in change. I mean, I think I believe in change. That sentence seems so alone. But over the years – say, if I choose to become a writer like my idols Sarah Vowell or David Sedaris – that sentence could become “I entrust my belief in the idea of simple evolution.” Now, if I drop out of high school, and party all of my brain cells away like countless ex-students at my school than it might become a prolonged, beautiful…belch.
A year ago, I was working on a radical newspaper that was striving to dismantle my high school administration from the inside out. Long story short, I was a freshman. Today, I’m different. Instead of writing hardcore articles for the Renegade Press, I’ve been writing stories for the Yearbook dripping with propaganda. I believe what has happened to me is simply change.
Teenagers become aware of their changes easily with documentation. I am one of the countless teens who has a web log, and I’ve had it for over a year now. Often, I will check in on my posts from exactly one year ago. I’m hardly ever pleased. Today, the one year old post’s contents included me wallowing in self-pity, begging for comments, giving me the inevitable title bestowed to only those who are worthy enough, “annoying freshman who is knee deep in self-pity.” I don’t fish for comments on my blog updates today, and I can deal with not getting comments now. Whether it is a grammatical error that I would fix today, or an immature thought or joke that was never funny to begin with, I think I’ve changed.
Some people retort to my belief that “people don’t change, situations do,” but I don’t think I believe that. As long as we have a problem with ourselves, we will try and change it. From a minor change of thought to a major change of life, we are always subconsciously correcting our problems. I didn’t want to be the expelled thirty year old who ended up living with his parents for the rest of his life, because he directly insulted the principal in a rebel newspaper, and my friends don’t always have to cater to my needs for me to be in a good mood. I just didn’t know it, until today. You cannot force and detect change while it’s in the process. It happens and it happens a lot.
And, I am a person who’s changed a lot. From new situations and new people come new problems. With new problems, comes the need for change. A year ago, the sentence would’ve been ridden with spelling errors and wouldn’t be my actual thoughts – it would be made hastily – to try and please the people I thought were “cool.” And, now, slightly more mature and less careless, and at a crossroad of uncertainty such as one many teens are at, the sentence is simply, “I think I believe in change.” This, I think I believe.
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