I believe in life. I believe in living every moment and seeing it for what it truly is, that is the greatest gift you can give yourself. I believe that by looking for the reality and the truly amazing moments in your life, your appreciation and trust and understanding of the world grows.
As a child, I played the typical games, ran the typical circles around my mother and father, managed to acquire the average amounts of bruises, cuts and scars- But above that, one of my favorite things to do was to close my eyes and just think. I would think about that moment, the feel of it. I would think of how amazing it all was, what I was feeling, right now in this moment, it was mine and it was real and nobody could take it from me. I was thrilled by the mere idea that I existed, existed to touch and feel and see and hear and smell and love and trust and exist.
These thoughts sent tingles to my fingers and toes, and the most giddy, happy feelings to my chest. I could feel my heart beating, could feel every little rock under my bare feet. I could feel the air on my skin, the air in my lungs.
This is reality, and in those moments where I had the time and concentration to appreciate it, it was greater than anything else.
Unfortunately, I’ve found that, as I’ve grown older, this high has been hard to find. There seems less time to take a moment and feel the pebbles under my toes, no time to appreciate reality.
Honestly, how twisted is that?
I don’t know if it’s the loss of my childish innocence, my exposure to the ‘real world’, but it’s gotten harder to just sit back and take a moment, just a moment, to appreciate of it all.
I still find small glimpses into those moments, glimpses into that wonderful reality that seems to have faded with the fuzziness of adulthood. Once in a while, I’ll find the raw spot inside me, the spot that seems to be so sensitive to the truth, to the brash harshness of the world. Maybe it’s swinging on the hammock at my lake cabin, surrounded by my family and the world in its raw, natural beauty. Sometimes it’s looking into the eyes of another person and realizing that I have choices to make, just for myself, and that the world and this other person is totally out of my control.
These moments are gifts. I believe they bring me back to reality, whereas I may have been drifting into my own mind, drowning in my own mind, drowning in the fuzziness of adulthood. I believe I can make each day a better day if I can pause and appreciate the moment I’m in, and come to terms with the terrifying realness of the world.
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