This I Believe

Katie - 85749, Arizona
Entered on May 18, 2006

I believe that you should never go to bed fighting with someone. I am only 18 but this statement has applied to my life may of times, but still it is hard to say sorry if you know you are right. But I promise it is worth it.

The first time I regretted not doing this was when I was 8. My father and I had always had a good relationship. We would play when I visited him on weekends, and he basically gave me anything I wanted. We hardly ever fought. But one night was different; I wasn’t able to sleep so I went into my dad’s room. As usual, he was watching television (I swear my dad never slept), and told me to come lay down with him. A murder scene flashed on the screen and I asked him to turn it off. We got into an argument about it and it ended by me turning my back to him and whispering “I hate you.”

The next morning was a blur; I woke up with paramedics all around me and my father pale and blue on the floor. He had died of a massive heart attack in the middle of the night. My mother was called, and the realization of what I said had set in. I was too young to make a vow to myself but I knew I would always feel guilt for what I had done, and I never wanted to do it again.

My life moved on and sure, I had times where I went to bed mad at my mom for not letting me go out, or at a friend for telling my crush something embarrassing about me, but I was always uneasy about it. It wasn’t until I was 17 that I made a pact with myself never to fall asleep with out saying I am sorry.

It was about one month until me and my best friends Nidia’s birthday; we were sitting at Starbucks when she told me she was leaving, running away, and had no plan of coming back. This was heartbreaking to hear; this girl had been my other half for about 6 months and though it might not sound like a long time it felt like I had known her my whole life. We spent every waking moment together and never got sick of each other, and so this is how I knew she was serious when she told me. I spent a week trying to convince her to stay but she wouldn’t hear it. There were scares when she was late for school that I thought she had left without saying good bye, but she reassured me that she would never do that.

Things got stressful and one day we got into a huge fight. As we pulled into my driveway I slammed the door to the car shut and walked away, I don’t even know why we were fighting. That night I wanted to call her, and I did but she refused to answer. So I went to bed thinking she was being a brat like she always did when we fought.

I was awakened in the morning by a call from her hysterical mother. Nidia left a note, she was gone. It was the pain and the guilt all over again. That was the day I made sure that I would never fight with anyone before I fell asleep. Friendships are to important and life is too unpredictable to hold back an “I’m sorry” for peace of mind in the morning.