This I Believe

Michelle - Tonganoxie, Kansas
Entered on May 15, 2006

“This I Believe”

“When you wake up in the morning and the hurting is so great and you don’t want to get out of bed and face a world of hate. If everything in life goes wrong and nothing you do seems right, you must have to try a little harder and soon you’ll see the light. For every person you has put you down and filled your life with pain, you must strive to achieve and show them you can win.”

Have you ever felt this way; no matter what you do, you seem to just mess it up? I’ve never felt like that, but I have felt like not facing the world. A lot of people have hurt me in my life. Too many if you ask me. Anyway, I believe that getting hurt only makes you stronger. These people have taught me to keep going and always tell people what’s on my mind. They will someday be gone and if I don’t tell them now, I may never be able to tell them what I need to say. This has kept me going. I’m getting stronger as the days go by.

January 1998, my father committed suicide. I felt like it was my fault. He shot himself because he would never see me again. My mother had an abusive relationship with him and could not deal with it any longer. She packed everything and we left. He tried so hard to see me, but my mom wouldn’t let him. He had a gun and she didn’t know what he’d do with it.

I remember this day lit it happened yesterday. I am reminded of it every day. My father committed suicide on my cousin’s birthday. I was on the way to the hospital when my mother got the phone call. He had shot himself on the driveway at my aunt’s house. He left a note, but I have no clue what it said. The police took it before we had a chance to read it.

For so long I was angry. How could he have done that to me? How could he have left for without saying good-bye? I looked up to him and he let me down. Because of this incident, I don’t expect people to always be there for me. I don’t cry when I go to funerals. I can keep my feelings inside.

This event has made me stronger. I know that people will “leave” and disappoint me throughout the rest of my life. Now that I expect these things to happen, it doesn’t hurt as much as it used to. This event made me believe that getting hurt only makes you stronger.