This I Believe

Orletta - Colorado Springs, Colorado
Entered on May 11, 2006
Age Group: 30 - 50

I believe in telling myself the truth. In 2001, I prayed a prayer that changed my life. During that time, I was in an unhappy marriage and my outlook on life appeared bleak. Realizing for the first time that my marriage may never change, I was committed to stay. I emphasized my decision my making a commitment in a prayer. It was during that brief prayer that I realized something. The truth is not always nice, but you must tell yourself the truth. However, once I faced the truth that my marriage was a failure I could live my life freely. I no longer had expectations of happily ever after. Therefore, my decision to stay in a marriage with no hope for marital bliss allowed me to work on the other parts of my life.

Those other parts included no longer trying to save others from themselves. The truth told me that sometimes people would rather stay in deplorable situations than make a change for whatever reason. I no longer felt the need to justify my actions because the truth told me that I too have flaws. The truth told me that if I continued to handle finances the way I always do I would stay in debt. I no longer handle life the way I wish it to be, but the way it is.

I found out truth might not always be nice or feel good. Most of the time it is raw, ugly and brutal. Some of the things that happen in my life are my fault. The truth showed me that I might have beliefs that are contrary to my family, church or culture. The truth may not always be what I like it to be. For instance, the people closest to me may not always like the decisions that I make based on what truth reveals. I know that if I informed others of my decision to stay in a bad marriage some would have applauded; others would have been horrified. But the truth was that I was not willing to leave the marriage even though I knew its current state. Eventually, the marriage left me, but it was okay. For in spite of what others may have thought the truth was I wasn’t ready to leave before he did.

My belief has changed me in many ways. I am free to be who I am and accept the truth about it. If I don’t like what I find out, I try to make changes. However, if I am fine with the situation I don’t change because of what others may think. I put my rose-colored glasses away. Amazingly, I am neither bitter nor cynical. I am actually freer because I accept the truth of what is going on in my life.