This I Believe

Steve - Chico, California
Entered on May 9, 2006
Age Group: 18 - 30
Themes: family, question

I feel like running away today. I miss the days of gathering a few meager possessions and hitting the road. I never really had a plan once I was out there moving but giving up all direction, past, future and responsibility felt better than anything I have received lately.

I stress myself to the point of snapping to help preserve the people and things I care about. Now that spring is creeping out into the light and I can hear summer screaming, “It’s too hot!” just around the corner, it’s time once again to assess whether or not I hate my situation enough to get up and leave.

Why leave? Everywhere is the same. The truth is painful there, but dead on. Its people that make me leave, not the places. I love Chico, but the people are grating my patience down and now I am on the verge of doing something rash. The world is facing WW3 and a sudden surge in the level of the ocean destroying little insignificant places like…here. California WILL be underwater soon, the question I have is, “Are we gonna get nuked first?” Say goodbye to your American empire and hello to Waterworld if you want to be free. I just look back and regret not being on the road.

Why haven’t I gone yet? Same reason I want to leave, the people. There are a few that are on the verge of moving into a different stage and form of friendship with me. This is worth sticking around a seeing how things play out, but as the hard season has passed and the fair weather friends are thinning out. Now, with the sparse few friends sticking with me I have plenty of time to think. With everyone planning to run off in their own direction soon, the only link I may have left is my son.

A beacon of light and hope in my world, born the day after Valentines, I can stay for now to make sure he is always he’s filled with love. This purpose and the hope in his happy life are grounding me for now, but some day perhaps my flock will fly together and see the world. In the end I suppose family is really the one to make the difference. No matter how bad things get, family is always family.