This I Believe

Amber - Miami, Florida
Entered on May 5, 2006
Age Group: 18 - 30

I believe in love and I believe in pain. I believe that love brings pain and that pain brings love. People always told me my life was perfect. They told me nothing was wrong with my life because I have parents who love me, friends who care about me, I’m not poor, I get whatever I want, etc and I had no reason to be unhappy. I guess you could say they were right, but I still had a longing. See, I had never had a boyfriend before. I always saw my friends with their boyfriends and I always wanted to know what it felt like to love someone so much and to be loved in return in the same way by that person. Well, I got my wish. During my sophomore year of high school, I got my first boyfriend. For the first six months, it was perfect. Well, it was perfect in my mind because I was blinded by love. It felt so nice to be in love, but it soon took a turn for the worse. My happy relationship soon turned into a very unhealthy, emotionally abusive relationship. We’d have our highs and lows. When we’d have our highs, we’d be each other’s best friend, but when we’d have our lows we’d become each other’s worst enemy. We both became too emotionally dependent on one another, which eventually turned into a non-stop fight for a year and a half. We were so close that really, we were too close. Over the course of the year and a half I was with this person, I had gone through so much heartbreak and so much pain, that I didn’t even know who I was anymore. In the beginning of this school year, the first day of school to be exact, we broke up for good (after months of being on and off again.) But the pain wasn’t over; it actually got worse. It took me six months to get over him. Six months of crying, six months of confusion, six months of questioning why I wasn’t good enough for him, four sessions of therapy, one amazing breakup book and one question of why I even liked him and wanted him in my life in the first place. When I think back, all he was there for was to fill the void I had in my life, the void of love. After going through the excruciating emotional pain that I went through over the past 2 years of my life, it eventually brought me to love myself more than I ever had before. Loving someone else more than I loved myself brought me the worst pain I could ever imagine, but going through that pain is what brought me to love myself, and I couldn’t be happier than I am right now at this point in my life with who I am.