This I Believe

Kyoko - Chicago, Illinois
Entered on May 4, 2006
Age Group: 18 - 30
Themes: fear, work

This I believe

Most people take much time to define what is most important and necessary for their lives. It is not easy. In my case, I also took much time to find my belief for my life. Actually, my belief has changed time to time along with my age.

When I was a junior and high school student, my biggest issue was appearance because one of my beautiful friends was the most popular among other students. Even if others who had better characters than her, they were no match for her. So, I considered that appearance defined each person’s value. Every morning I took a lot of time to dress neatly and do my hair carefully before I went to school. In addition to that, I never missed checking fashion magazines every week and imitated TV star styles. However, after a while I recognized that “Even no matter how I make up, my natural face and body style cannot be changed”. Since then my strong feeling about appearance has cooled.

After I entered college, in my mind, a new sense of value was burned. My major was music and I studied opera singing. My desire was to become an opera singer, but many of my classmates had the same dreams. For me, they seemed like rivals. I felt if I took take a rest; I would be surpassed by other students. Therefore my new principle became “working hard all the time”. But all my efforts ended in failure unfortunately. I could not be a singer. I thought the reason was a lack of my efforts. Then I got a job in a company and worked as an employee. In there, I also felt I had to work as hard as I can. If I did not do my best, I would be fired. I might have been suffering from some delusion, but the one-sided belief suffered both my mental and physical health gradually. Every morning when I left my home, I got a headache or stomachache. Also, I could not sleep well every night. I felt always someone was telling me “You should work harder than now!” At last, I went to the hospital. The doctors said, “You are over sensitive. If you don’t relax, your condition will get worse and worse. You need to take a rest.” I was really surprised because until at the time, I thought taking a rest was a wrong thing. But actually I really tired of always being serious.

I looked back on my whole life. However, I could not find how to live my life and the most important thing for my life. What is the lack of my life? At that time, my mother told me casually “Take it easy.” The magic word changed my thinking totally. “Take it easy!” That is it! I should be more optimistic. In life, the most important thing is enjoying my life. Even if I do my best, sometimes I would not be satisfied. But if I change my mind quickly and I have a hope for the future with easy-going thinking, I might be able to be happy.

Still now, sometimes I worry about my life. But at that moment I always recite in my mind. “Take it easy, enjoy my life!”