This I Believe

Johanna - Olney, Montana
Entered on April 26, 2006

This I Believe

I believe you should always try to work out a problem on your own before going to others for help. I learned this when I found out my best friend since seventh grade was moving, it was the beginning of sophomore year and I had never gone without Matt for longer then eight days. I was devastated, and my friends decided it was “inappropriate” for me to be upset that my other friend’s boyfriend was moving. So, they all assumed I was saddened because I recently had an argument with my Boi. It hurt far too much to try and correct them. Not that they would listen anyways. Don’t get me wrong, my friends were all really worried about me, but all it resulted in was them yelling at Boi a lot. Telling him what a bad person he was and how mean he was. I just needed time to think. Talking about anything started to hurt beyond comprehension. All I could think to say was; I was upset Matt was leaving, I can’t believe he’d just ditch me like this, and its like he gave up all hope, and it was betrayal beyond anything they could grasp. There weren’t any words to fully explain what was going on inside my head. Just trying to explain hurt. I hadn’t really cared about Boi being yelled at. Quite honestly, he deserved it. If I weren’t so miserable about Matt then his stupid actions would have really effected me. After failing the explanation of myself to each of my friends separately and all together, I realized I needed to work things out myself. They would be no help, they’re great friends, but for the first time, none of them understood what was wrong. I was so confused. It seemed like every time I tried to talk to them it resulted in me crying too hard to finish, or choking on my words so horribly that I could barely sputter and they would get agitated and offer that we just ‘talk about it later’, but later never came. So I decided to just stop talking, period. I said a few words at home to keep my parents from worrying. Other then that I said nothing. I started driving a lot and taking long walks. Always thinking, constantly trying to get myself past this depression I gained. I really distanced myself from everyone about a lot afterwards, because I realized I didn’t need to be so dependant on them, I am working through this hard time just fine, I use to be so needy and always had some reason that I had to have someone with me. This was a serious turning point in my life. I have learned a lot about problem solving and how to do things for myself in these last few weeks. Now, when I have a problem, I try to deal with it on my own before asking others for help, because usually, things seem work better that way.