This I Believe

THIS I BELIEVE

I am 59 years old and have forgotten a lot of things that I learned in the schools and colleges, but there are a few things that are so deeply etched into my consciousness that even if I try to forget them, I cannot! One of those things is what my father always used to teach us and that was, “Think for yourself”. Whenever we approached our father to talk him into buying things for ourselves or to get his permission to do something because of what we saw our friends do, his pet response, invariably, used to be, “If your friend decides to jump in a well, will you?” That always made us give a second thought to what we were asking for and build arguments to convince him to our way of thinking if were sure in our minds as to what we really wanted.

We didn’t realize at the time, but, in a subtle way, he was teaching us to think for ourselves or think independently. In retrospect, thinking independently helped us focus on our studies, stay out of trouble and inoculate us against peer pressures.

By being less suceptible to peer pressures, we protected ourselves from deleterious impact of smoking, drinking, gambling, fast driving, and philandering. That helps us excel in academics, as well as professional arena.

Of course, our father never encouraged us to isolate ourselves from others or become oddballs. He also taught us what Thomas Jefferson used to say, “In matters of style, swim with the current, but in matters of principle, stand like a rock!” For example, if we have to attend a wedding, there is nothing wrong in dressing formally, like everybody else, but if any of our friends teaches us to cheat on taxes or to get promoted at the expense of others, we should not hesitate in saying, “No!” Of course, this has to be done in a polite, discreet manner, so that our friends don’t form the impression that we are being self-righteous, looking down upon them, or harboring a “holier-than-though” attitude.

To summarize, my father taught us to think independently, rationally, and critically before making any decision. He also taught us to be soft-hearted and hard-headed, but not hard-hearted and soft-headed. He taught us to get away from the mind-set of “group think”, “monkey see; monkey do”, or “keep up with the Joneses”.

I tried to follow my father’s advice in raising my daughter (30) and son (25) and luckily, they both have done extremely well academically, professionally, as well as socially.