This I Believe

I thought I could live life alone. I began to avoid all social contact. I even began to avoid the love my family was offering and friends. That time in my life is big blur. I wasn’t really sure what I was really doing with my life. Why I really wanted to be alone was an even bigger issue.

It was the beginning of 2004, my Grandma fell ill and I was shocked. She quickly went to a better place. Exactly one month later another Grandma of mine fell ill. This death gave our family no time to react. With that there was no time to spend with the family after her death. She felt she was not pretty enough, or worthy enough to be seen by people. With that in mind she did not want a memorial service or anything for her. One month after that my neighbor died. He had been fighting Cancer for over a year now. All of those deaths came within three short months. They say a grieving process can take quite sometime. If you can imagine there was barley time to breath between each occurrence.

The months went on and so did my life. I began to say, (My life is going too perfect, what’s next?) Boy did I wish that statement never came out of my mouth. One month before Christmas another one of my Grandmothers was given one week to live. She was not in her body though, just her presence was. I was a mess, and I didn’t know how I could go on. I spent most of my Christmas vacation agonizing of her stroke. Until Christmas Eve 2004 she went home to be with the Lord. It was a relief but also saddening. She didn’t want to be on life support so our choice to turn off the machines was well worth it. I’m not really sure how I got through that death. I know I didn’t want to talk to anyone nor see anyone.

Exactly one year one week later, my other Grandpa died. He had a major heart attack. We all knew he had a weak heart and why we thought he would live forever was not realistic. His death we instant and we were not ready for it.

Why his death was different than anybody’s was a shock to me. With his passing I learned I needed people. He had been there for me with all the other deaths. Now my number one supporter was gone. This much I know is true that you must surround your self by people who love and care for you. I am grateful for the time I had with him and the memories I can cherish forever. Never let your self get to the point where you feel as if you can not trust or go to anyone. Life should not and is meant not to be lived alone.